I accept some things will never change…
Y’know. I was gonna hide this blog, and leave it to rot, but after reading some friends blogs. I feel I need my own space to vent. I doubt anyone will read this, and that’s most definately a good thing. At the start of the new year, I was so happy. I started how I wanted to continue – with the person I truly love, happy and holding the belief that nothing could change that.
New Years Resolution – Not to let the little things get me down.
Shit. Failed that one.
I had hoped being at uni wouldn’t change anything, that I could cope with being appart from her, that all the shit that was going on back home wouldn’t affect my mood, wouldn’t make me feel jealous, wouldn’t get me down.
It’s not working, I cant bare to read about how she misses – and loves – these people who were supposedly my friends but would so easily stab me in the back. I know she has her own life, her own friends, her own space. I accept that. I wouldn’t take it away from her, ever. Why though, does it have to be the people who I introduced to her, who end up falling for her and causing so much shit. Not even mentioning one of the them discusing the positives of murdering me (the worrying thing is, he’s so fucked up in the head I wouldn’t put it past him). I cant get the thought out of my head that she is 200+ miles away spending the majority of her time with two people who both “love” her. Two people who would take any opportunity to take her away from me. I love her, and I cant get the thought of losing her out my head.
- I lose sleep just thinking about how much I love her.
I accept some things will never change.
I just don’t want to worry. I trust her, I want her to ask how I know I can trust her, just so I can say that I don’t, but that is what trust is. (I am so gonna regret writting this if she reads it, I’ll feel like such a tit.)
Having at least one of them actively trying to break me and her up while I’m not there doesn’t help matters. Why cant he accept that he has missed (if he ever had) his chance, and just get over her, let her be happy. Let me be happy, don’t act like you’re my friend when you try to ruin what happiness I have.
You’re pathetic.
Fuck.
This’ll likely be the only post of a long time again.
Night.
