I said it. You know. I hope.
I think this keeps me sane. I haven’t written since July, and I’ve had such a fucking rocky road, things keep going wrong. I cant seem to make anything last, my mind is actually caving in on itself. The clouds of confusion mock me, drifting ever closer encroaching on my consciousness- RUINING MY LIFE. Fucking hell.
Things would be so much better if I just had a job. If I could afford to take trains places and meet people.
I don’t really want to go through what has happened since I last wrote to you, I don’t want to hear what you have to say. I don’t know if I can deal with it after opening, showing you the truth, letting you feel what I feel. You control me right now, ice is the only footing I can find. Solid ground aludes me at every turn. I hate it.
Non fanno male a me. That is all I ask.
WAGWAN GUISE?
I am alright, had some issues to sort out, but i think they are okay now. (i hope anyways- we talked them through so it should be alright..?) But other than that, I had a random emo moment this morning which was quite bad, where I listened to depressing songs that probably didnt help my situation. On top of that I wasn’t sure where I stood on the whole relationship thing cause I didn’t know what m’lovely bean wanted. She still doesn’t know, but I’m gonna work on it.
So once I’d gotten over my urrrgh i hate everything session I talked to some people, then ordered me a ticket for Sonisphere. ZOMG. should be good, (I’ll talk about that another day) and then I ate some crisps and took my doggy for a walk. (she needs de-hairing massively. but when you try her leg spazams and she looks silly.) So I did that which was okay, but it was very hot, so I got home and got me a strongbow (1st of my 10 for £5) so 9/10 left. So this leaves me here. Listening to Dark Side of the Moon and drinking stronbow in bed!
I would however like some company (not in my bed, but in general) so if anyone reads this and can be arsed to come round today, do so. I’m bored. Like a mountain goat.
lovelove.x
What an odd fellow...
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: bad, blog, bored, emo, fresh, god, good, new, picture emotion, sidetracked, time
Due to my lack of originality and failure at creativity I have chosen to opt for the least time consuming and effortful form of a fresh start. By this, I mean changing the layout of my blog and making it look less depressive. Then writing a nice (maybe) long (possibly) post to explain things up til now.
Life… is actually pretty random. I’m sure you all know this. But I guess if you are like… religious you think that everything is planned out for you. But to be honest with you guys, how can everything be planned out for you. The amount of people in the world… God would have to be like… amazing to be able to think up lives for every single person in the world- wait… God is supposed to be amazing isn’t he? I struggle at deciding upon what god looks like because while the stereotypical image is of the giant old man who is all wise and that but that is a bit boring really. If God could be anyone you wanted him/her to be and you could spend as much time as you wanted with him or her (after all God can be everywhere at once) and there was proof that this was true… I would defo be a religious nut just so I could make my God someone totally awesome and have an awesome eternity… Haha, back up at “I struggle…” I had a point to say about all this, but now I have gone and forgotten it so I’ve just gone and rambled for the whole of the last paragraph. BAD TIMES little man, bad times.
Oh shi- yeah, it really has been a long time since I last wrote anything on here. Bad times and good times are now like… my new phrases to say to pretty much anything. I’m sure there were another two, quite similar, but i have forgotten them at this moment in time. (NOW THAT- IS BAD TIMES.) I dunno, I have got a few people saying it. But then there are people who don’t appriechiate my saying it. For Example, Guy A(I shall not use names because he will dislike me for it) has a lil bit of a fuck buddy, Girl A. Now they are at it quite often. So as Girl A’s real name is something silly which I cant remember, I refer to Girl A as GoodTimes Girl, as she give Guy A a good time. Quite literally. But Guy A doesn’t like me calling Girl A that and he complains, regularly. Again, badtimes 
Anyway, I am making this blog happier as I have become a happier person. I had originally thought to create a new blog and leave this as a graveyard of memories, but now that I think about it I like being able to read over my past and remember times. Now I know pictures are worth 1000 words, but I didn’t take any pictures so these words shall do a better job than any picture. A second reason for keeping this blog rather than changing it is due to the fact that it has covered two relationships and my worst teen years… Now I know that it seems silly to want to remember my worst teen years but there are good times in there. Which I want to remember so yeah. So, this is my relationship standing.
The start of this blog to a bit after Febuary? Maybe? That was me going out with Emily.
From a bit after breaking up with Emily I started going out with Fern.
Now this is where the trail goes cold on the blog, as I stopped blogging in July of 2008 there was nothing to keep y’all updated on my love life (not that you care) but anyway, so you all know, My relationship with Fern lasted just over a year, was good but then it was like OH SHI- this is crap. So we split up… just before Glastonbury 2009. (Which I went too.. FUCK YEAH!) <- that was good times. Then. A bit after that(19th of July), I started going out with Lois, (who may I add is actually awesome.) So now we are here, I am going out with Lois and all is good and stuff.
It is funny because this really has been an emotional rollarcoaster of my life. I have matured now (a little bit maybe… okay. alright yeah. not much…. oh don’t give me that look… I HAVE DAMNIT!!!) and the proof that I have matured is in the fact that I actually shock myself with some of the things I wrote about. It makes me laugh… but it is quite bad.
See now I have hit the… I’m sure I was meant to be talking about something in this post but have forgotten wall. There was definately something I wanted to say but it has gone. So, if you don’t mind I will ramble for a little more.
WalkOnWaterOrDrown does sound rather emo, but I feel that it can still be used for the title of a happier blog because it is just like, yeah it is a challenge, that is what life is. One hench challenge. So Iam keeping the title – If I was changing it I wouldn’t have bothered with all this and just created a new blog… facepalm.jpg. In terms of the new layout and stuff… I haven’t looked yet but I think something plain, light colours. a contrast to the darkness of it as it is now. Fresh start is what I was aiming for so getting a lighter theme seems to be fresh.
Yeah.
I should have a drink or something because all this brain work is pretty tiring. And I just got back from a hench dog walk. (I say just got back… i have sorta had time to write all the above since i got back…) oh and, ( I say hench… it was only medium… i guess.. maybe… yeah.)
Do you have any idea how hard it is to write a lot about one thing without getting sidetracked? This is why I just ramble in blogs because I don’t know what will keep you entertained, however my rambling entertains myself when i read it back so the logical conclusion is that it is mildly entertaining? maybe a little? So really… yeah. I will continue to ramble helplessly unless someone give me something to talk about so leave me a comment or something and I will try and write about it.
This seems like it is getting long so I will cut off there. It is the summer now, so generally that means free time. So I can write these lots. Good? y/n?
Have a good daaaaay. x
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: emo, hate, interview with a vampire, lestat de lioncourt, love, mayday parade, music, racist
The Day In Which Things Make Odd Sentences From Things Which Don’t Make Sense At All.
Feel free to ignore the above words as I myself have no clue of what they are about.
Today, like most days, has been random, in a mixed race way, the kind of day where somethings are good, and somethings are bad. While somethings are obvious rebels and break all the rules and change from bad to good in a matter of seconds. Much like Michael Jackson : )
None of the above is insinuating anything racist : )
Today while stressful, has opened my eyes to the love of Lestat de Lioncourt. Even though that happened much later on in the day, after all that was stressful caused me grief and despair in the most unusaul places.
Life is cruel. Although mildy sweet at time, errupting into smiles after smiles and thoughts after thoughts of happiness. By the way, I love contradicting my self, It’s a hobbie, much like kittens and a tapestry. It happens.
Anyways, Lestat de Lioncourt, a fictional character from An Interview With A Vampire.
He is amazingly good looking, for a vampire, and i would any day.
Would you not just do such a man at first sight? He is hot beyond hot, and if i had more guts i would love to dress and style myself to a man such as him. Okay, so he is played by Tom Cruise, but screw it. He’s Hot.
Yeah, So what if i have a thing for vampires, its sexy is it not?
So, that is my vampire fetish covered, i have also realized my love for Mayday Parade, Sure they are Emo, but don’t we all love Emo music?
Gotta love them, they pretty much sum up the type of music i am listening to right now.
Depressive Emo shit do it for you? Yeahhh babyyyy : )
Anyways, The Show Must Go On.
Good Night, A New Day Shall Come Bringing A New Sun To Bring New Happiness Into Your Life.
-xXx-
